Not much happening

Not a whole lot has happened this week, we have all just been sick with some flu like symptoms but we are all good now!

Robert never showed up on Friday like he said he was going to. I talked to him online on Saturday and he never mentioned anything about not coming up here to pick up RL, not like I would have let him but he never even mentioned it. RL and I moved out almost a month ago and never once has Robert asked how RL was doing, it's always him saying that I am keeping him from his son and that he is going to come and get him. Never once though has he asked how the baby is doing. It seems like this whole visitation/custody thing is just a power struggle for Robert. The sad thing is that I don't even think that he really wants RL he just wants to save face and act like he wants him. I know that Robert loves RL, well as much as a selfish person can, but I just don't believe that he knows how to be a dad. He is too wrapped up in what he wants and not what is right for our child.

I remember one time when RL was just a newborn and we were in Phoenix running errands and going to doctor appointments. RL had just been circumcised that morning and Robert was so not worried about his needs. He was not worried at all that while we were in Fry's electronics looking at stupid computer stuff, our son was in pain and just wanted to not sit in his car seat anymore. Or the many times that RL was hungry when we were out and about and Robert would insist over our screaming child that he wasn't hungry, the baby could wait to eat.

My goodness, I look back at all that stuff and think WTF was I thinking? Why did I listen to him over my mommy instinct? Why did I let him make me feel that I didn't know anything about my own child's wants and needs. I look back over the past year and I just cant believe that I listened to someone who thought that a newborn could go all night without a feeding. That I was a bad mom because my newborn wasn't on a strict feeding and napping schedule at two weeks old (only one week after getting out of the hospital). That I was a bad mom because I held my child most of the time and fed him on demand when he was a tiny baby.

I am so thankful that my son and I are out of that environment and now in a healthy, clean and safe place. Its amazing how much happier both of us are now!

No comments: