Rough couple of days

RL has been sick with an ear infection. He had felt warm for a couple of days and then on Monday night he was burning up with a fever of 103. I contemplated taking him into the ER since his fever was so high but decided to try a cool bath first. The bath wasnt that cool but he was shivering like crazy, Poor baby! Thankfully, between the bath and motrin his temp went down to a managable 100 degrees. I took him to the doctor on Monday and of course he has an ear infection, second one in a month!

My poor boy!


I found out tonight that Roberts new "girlfriend" has a picture of my son on a website. I am so extremely pissed right now!! What F'in right does she have to post a picture of MY SON? I am so disgusted right now!!

No matter how pissed I am though, I WILL NOT CRY!! I will not waste any of my tears on this asshole who obviously has many issues.

He is so sick in the head it isn't even funny. I cant believe that I am going to say this but I actually feel sorry for him, he is pathetic! Who the hell in their right mind gives up a beautiful son and someone that would have loved you till the day you die for someone that they don't even know?
I just don't get it!

Child support papers have been filed

I got a call this morning from a case worker asking if I could come in today because we may qualify for emergency food stamps. So I go in to my appointment and the case worker tells me that I am also qualified to receive cash assistance since I have no income right now. OK that's great since the reason that I haven't looked for a job is because Robert has threatened to take RL from me and I feel that until I file the custody papers I should stay home to keep my son safe. One of the conditions to receiving the cash assistance is that I have to go and file with DES child support. I have been going back and forth about filing for support since I know that I will never see a cent from Robert given his track record with not working. Thankfully though I am glad that the decision was taken out of my hands!

I cant wait until the custody papers have been filed and the decision made so that I can feel safe leaving my son so that I can go back to work! I am going stir crazy from staying home every day. I am so afraid of the threats that Robert has made that I am pretty much just staying home these days unless I go somewhere with my mom. I am just not a person that was cut out to be a stay at home mom! I need to be able to get out and talk to other people, I need adult interaction!!

I really hate to be in a situation where I need food stamps and cash assistance but my son and I need to eat and its completely unfair for me to expect my mom to support us, she has her own bills that she is responsible for. Oh well, I guess I can take comfort in the fact that this is not a permanent solution, just a temporary help so that we can get back on our feet again.

Frustraed and disgusted

I am honestly just so disgusted that Robert could move on to a new relationship not even one month after we broke up. What is it with guys, why can they move on so much faster than women can? Men suck!!

Not much happening

Not a whole lot has happened this week, we have all just been sick with some flu like symptoms but we are all good now!

Robert never showed up on Friday like he said he was going to. I talked to him online on Saturday and he never mentioned anything about not coming up here to pick up RL, not like I would have let him but he never even mentioned it. RL and I moved out almost a month ago and never once has Robert asked how RL was doing, it's always him saying that I am keeping him from his son and that he is going to come and get him. Never once though has he asked how the baby is doing. It seems like this whole visitation/custody thing is just a power struggle for Robert. The sad thing is that I don't even think that he really wants RL he just wants to save face and act like he wants him. I know that Robert loves RL, well as much as a selfish person can, but I just don't believe that he knows how to be a dad. He is too wrapped up in what he wants and not what is right for our child.

I remember one time when RL was just a newborn and we were in Phoenix running errands and going to doctor appointments. RL had just been circumcised that morning and Robert was so not worried about his needs. He was not worried at all that while we were in Fry's electronics looking at stupid computer stuff, our son was in pain and just wanted to not sit in his car seat anymore. Or the many times that RL was hungry when we were out and about and Robert would insist over our screaming child that he wasn't hungry, the baby could wait to eat.

My goodness, I look back at all that stuff and think WTF was I thinking? Why did I listen to him over my mommy instinct? Why did I let him make me feel that I didn't know anything about my own child's wants and needs. I look back over the past year and I just cant believe that I listened to someone who thought that a newborn could go all night without a feeding. That I was a bad mom because my newborn wasn't on a strict feeding and napping schedule at two weeks old (only one week after getting out of the hospital). That I was a bad mom because I held my child most of the time and fed him on demand when he was a tiny baby.

I am so thankful that my son and I are out of that environment and now in a healthy, clean and safe place. Its amazing how much happier both of us are now!

It just keeps getting worse!

For Robert that is. I got a call today from Brenda, Roberts mom and the first words out of her mouth were for me to make sure that I keep a really good eye on Robert Lee and to not let him out of my sight. That of course freaked me out and of course I had to ask what was going on. She told mee that she had heard from Roberts boss that he had stolen some mail from the business and she had also heard that he had stolen a car. She hasnt talked to him so she isnt sure what his intentions are but has a feeling that he may be making a plan to come and take Robert Lee from me.